they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
