And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
