Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
