if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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