What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
