just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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