I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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