I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this will be a night to untag.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
