I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
