Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
