Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
