I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
