And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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