i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
