Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize