Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am one with the molecules
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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