So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
