he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
