You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
