please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my being single is dangerous.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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