I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
