I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
