It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
