Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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