Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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