So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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