Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
