On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
