i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
