I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
