Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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