I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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