I hate all girls vehemently.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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