that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
