i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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