My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't like sucking hair
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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