can we get nightvision for the apartment?
someone owes me an orgasm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
