Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
