NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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