I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
