dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
