how can u be prego again
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
