I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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