we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
where am i from again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
