$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
