You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
