I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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