Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
