Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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