there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is my gift to your gina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
