i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize