I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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