ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
