I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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