Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
