Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
