you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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