We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
