It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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