Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
