ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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