how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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