I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
