i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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