Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He shit in the fireplace
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
