I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
