I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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