I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
