this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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