foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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