If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are the jesus of drinking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
