You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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