Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
