How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drake has all the answers
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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