I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I still have a little drunk in my system
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
